To love anything is a risk. It is a risk because to love requires not only emotional sentiment to be contrived in us, but it takes conscious decision to be vulnerable and take action for the well-being of the other. The fact that this may not be requited, or even accepted, or appreciated is incredibly risky mostly because it already takes great strength for us imperfect people to try and do something that may not benefit us directly anyway. For it to be love, it has to be about the beloved; and I don’t just mean this in a romantic sense, I mean whatever or whoever it is that we love.
The concern for one’s health is valid when it comes to loving. Often times we sense danger especially when we want to be sure of our own motives and the motives of others when it has to do with our hearts and that is a good thing to be assessed. However, to truly love someone we do have to realize that there will always be a risk of emotional pain, whether or not it is caused intentionally. Often I have noticed a sense of pain derived merely from the fact that I love someone. They are away from me and I miss them, the vulnerability of opening up to them seems incredibly scary or letting them open up to me, what if we grow apart or they die? What if one of us becomes dependent on the other and things get unhealthy or uncomfortable? What if I blow this? Why love at all?
I think when it comes to loving we must surrender all things to God and learn from Him how to love the people in our lives. He is as expansive as the relationships we have, and as complex as they might feel to us. It is wise to remember that all people belong to him, and that ultimately any love we have to start with is a gift, and learning how to love well takes practice. The risk factor never goes away, and it won’t in this age. It is good to know that God’s love is also wise, and I don’t think he’d ask us to be unwise necessarily, but that he’d ask us to be kind, forgiving, and gracious people at all costs. Love constitutes more action than it does necessarily a bunch of extravagant emotions poured out over someone. Love should make us mindful, thoughtful, and empathetic towards people.
I also believe a strong prayer life will help us keep a clear perception on our relationships. We will be more likely to remember that the most loving thing we can do is lift people up to God, to plead for their needs, to make a case for their situations, and to pray for them to experience more of the love that comes from God, the only kind that will bring complete wholeness. This must be the core of our endeavors to love others. In some ways this will help to alleviate the risk of dependence, jealousy, manipulation, and dis-respect, which can often creep into our emotions when we love someone but it becomes more about us wanting to be loved/or see them do what we want them to do. However, inviting God to be a part of our relationships also runs the risk of us not being in control to the degree we feel in control when we think of “our relationships”. It is no longer imperative that so and so reciprocates everything I do for him/her, it means I must free them up in a sense to find their completeness in God and somehow trust that that doesn’t discredit my worth to them, it also means that I do not/ cannot try and force them to become something/ do something that hasn’t been realized yet in the heart; or by way of love.
In some ways, the whole bit of loving someone else becomes more complex when we realize that it isn’t centered on us; and simultaneously becomes much lighter and makes more sense when we recognize that love didn’t start with us, it started with God, and we are rather invited to partake of such a lovely gift.
k. lawler 